Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet, only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.
This story is ultimately aimed at how I began taking Suboxone and how it has changed my life. But I felt that a little history might enlighten a wider audience of how and why I became addicted. I've written a book regarding my experience that led up to the Suboxone discovery called "Lori's song".
When I first started writing "LORI'S SONG" in 2002 I didn't want to make it a story about mudslinging. I didn't want to make my parents look bad, or write about why I divorced the first two times(due to my sister sleeping with my husbands). This book was only supposed to be about Iran. But as I was told later after the book was finished; IT was unfair to only make myself out to be the bad person. Many of us who are abused either sexually or physically always try to somehow make it out to be OUR FAULT! That is why rather than changing the first chapter I included it in the way I wrote it originally. Maybe society can get a good look at the depth of how people like "us" will go to extreme lengths to protect those who abuse us the most.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm on Suboxone now. My dose is currently 4 pills per day. And I wanted to elucidate as to how I discovered this MIRACLE DRUG.
I was in a POW camp in Iran for 6 weeks, I suffered traumatic brain injuries, back injuries and a severe internal injury due to rape with a rifle barrel. So I had severe pain issues that I thought only Vicodin or Oxycontin would relieve. I also had severe escape issues, that related to my childhood sexual abuse as well as two marriages that involved domestic violence. I also had many run ins with the law which is what ended me up in Iran in the first place. I had written so many false prescriptions and stolen patients medications from the hospital, that I was finally charged with a long list of felonies.
My Iranian husband at the time convinced me that going to Iran would be better than going to prison. (I had no idea that your first time being charged with a crime like this one usually gets probation). I went to Iran in 1998, once there a nightmare unfolded before me. Immediately my husband became physically violent, but I found out a secret past that he had that I never would have guessed or known. He used to execute war vets in Iran so the Iranian govt. wouldn't have to pay these men "disability". He was basically a state sponsered terrorist. At one point he ahd sold me for a weekend to one of his friends for sexual alavery not only with that man but several others. They doped me up with heroin and by the time the weekend was over I had been raped by at least 5 different men.
Then came 9/11, when the rumors in Iran gave light to what was going to happen in NY. I didn't know it would be NY nor did I even know where, but I knew something was going to happen. So I tried calling home on the 9th,10th and 11th, the operator said, "No international calls being placed at this time". How convenient. The next day my husband told me that we were going back to the USA in case there were any repurcussions on Middle Eastern countries or an uprising with Iran. We showed up at the bus station where we would take a bus to Istanbul then catch a flight to the USA. About 5 minutes after showing our American passports, armed guards showed up in cattle convoy type trucks and blinfolded me and took me one way and my husband the other.... I haven't seen him since. They took me to a camp in the mountains of Shiraz and there I was beat, tortured and raped for approx: 6 weeks. Once escaping and returning home, I had detoxed by then from the soldiers who gave us heroin injectiions into our gums to rape us. But my need to escape reality was worse than ever.
In a short synopis, I attempted suicide twice, the last time I drank bleach, luckily neither killed me although my heart stopped four times on the way to the hospital the first time: (I had drank and taken about 90 Tramadol). Well after being back in the USA and on any drugs I could get my hands on: ecstacy, ritalin, vicodin, lorcet, oxy's, morphine, I finally met a man (I was a stripper while taking these drugs)....Now you can judge me here if you'd like but subconsiously (so my therapist tells me) I truly wanted Mohammad to find me and either kill me or tell me that he had nothing to do with sticking me in that camp. So I didn't care about my life.
My son from a previous marriage had been put in prison. I left him when he was 14 with the thought of returning sooner than I did, and he commited armed robbery at the age of 17. He has been in prison ever since. (He now has his parole for March 2010).
After 4 years of being home, I found a man that I KNOW LOVES ME FOR ME. His name is John and he doesn't drink, smoke or ever did any drugs and he has no felonies on his record. (My dad said, CONGRATULATIONS LORI, it's about time). He owned a John Deere dealership and sold that to stay home and take care of me. He got me through rehab and writing my book which is a bit of a catharsis, I am finally realizing that having the book out there I do feel better.
I had always been on some type of pain pill since I was 15 and very tolerant as you all can relate to. I was up to 60 vicodin a day before rehab. After my doctor weaned me from Methadone, I went up to 120mg within days and it still wasn't helping.
Suboxone was the miracle I was hoping for!
While I know it might not work for all people, it sure did for me. On some days I don't have to take as much as others, but at least it's there for me when I need it.
I'm trying to adjust to a sober life but it's very difficult since I used a lot of the drugs to escape reality, a reality that started out with sexual abuse at the age of 10. I became emancipated at the age of 15 so that I could marry and excape the abuse inflicted by my adopted brother.
In the meantime PLEASE don't give up and I know this might sound shallow when you are going through what you are, but trust me it will GET BETTER! I also hope that by reading this it will encourage other people to share their experiences as well.
Medical Assisted Treatment of America and Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Forum is something that is a NECESSITY!!! If I hadn't found this site I would have felt totally alone and might have used again. But instead the first day I joined I was greeted so eagerly and sincerely that you know these type of gestures are only from a "SINCERE" heart. I use this forum as my homebase so to speak. I try to check in daily and try to respond to posts and PM's, this way it takes me back to reality (which is overwhelming right now due to the book)It not only reminds me that there are people out there that are getting benefits from Suboxone as well as me, but it also reminds me that there are PEOPLE out there WILLING TO HELP, without expecting anything IN RETURN. Thank you and God Bless you all. Lori Foroozandeh
While Terrorism is a war that starts developing within the mind, Religion is a war that antagonizes our conscience, but love is a war within the heart... Lori F. 5/2002 Share the peace!
Available now through Amazon, Barnes & Noble And Published through OUTSKIRTS PRESS
Lori is now back and living in the United States, she now spends her days talking to and helping those who suffer from Bi-Polar and addiction. I would like to encourage you to visit her websites.
Assistant Editor: Dee Black Dated: August 2009